Today, for no reason whatsoever, Alla left me a note on the breakfast table. I will do my best at translating it:

"Laurie - my friend,

Heat the blintzes and sausage in the microwave. Drink the tea. Bon appetit. I will be home at 7:30 tonight. Until then, bye!"

I'm not sure why she did this, because we've gone through the morning breakfast ritual every day for the last month and I've done just fine up until this point without the luxury of notes. But her affection for me seems to be increasing. She keeps pressing me to play the guitar for her and I keep saying I'm shy. But then she said I'm like her daughter, and I shouldn't be shy. Also recently, I was going out of the house and had just taken a shower, so my hair was a bit wet. She insisted that I blow dry it and, while I was trying, she took the blow dryer away from me and started doing my hair. Not even drying it, she started curling it up and styling it. She was laughing, I was laughing, it was... such a sweet moment. My dear friend Alla.

Our day trip to Moscow was very easy. The train is fast and comfortable, and we have just enough time to do something of interest in Moscow and be back home for dinner. It's a full day but not nearly as exhausting as the Chinatown bus from DC to NYC. The main event was eating lunch at T.G.I Friday's. I got a chicken sandwich and some lame tropical mixed drink. The buffalo wing appetizer was, in all honesty, probably the best part. But being there, with the American-sized portions, American food, American service, it didn't do much for me. I guess I never liked that aspect of America to begin with so I didn't miss it. But it was amusing and interesting to experience it nonetheless. Russian service with a smile? When one of the employees shouted goodbye (in Russian) on our way out, the first thought to cross my mind was immediately "what the hell? Why is she saying goodbye to me?" It just seemed pointless and strange. Surprisingly, I don't miss that American politeness. It's just not practical. It's not... efficient. Why say something you don't mean? I reserve my smiles for when I'm actually happy. I could talk more about this, but I'll do that later.

Finally, I have some pictures. Click on any picture to see a bigger version.

A funny sign for a restaurant in Moscow called "Sorry Babushka". (babushka means grandma)

My friend Madelyn on the train ride home from Moscow.

This was on the first trip to Moscow with our entire group. These three girls are my entire class: Sarah, Madelyn and Kelsey in front of St. Basil's Cathedral on Red Square.

A typical breakfast, laid out for me on the table every morning when I wake up. There's kasha at the bottom, kind of like sweet oatmeal. Blini, which is just blintzes, and some meat. And tea of course. Tea with every meal.

We were on the Moscow metro. The trip a few weeks ago. Everyone was tired. From left to right, random Russian, Meagan, Faye, Reese, random Russian. But EVERYONE is sleeping.

Here's a picture of a picture of Alla and her husband, presumably many years ago.

A Russian Starbucks on the Old Arbat street in Moscow. There were actually several.

Here is Alla and her youngest son, Kostya. I took this picture in the kitchen.

Okay, here's a random picture I stole from someone else in the meantime. I'm posting it because I took it, but I'm not actually in it. Pictured from left to right is Kimberly, Faye, Madelyn and Chelsea. We were on Red Square in Moscow, in front of St. Basil's Cathedral. Just gives you an idea.

I'm kind of trying to work on getting some pictures up here. Part of the problem is that I've taken very few since I've been here. Maybe a dozen? But the one picture I'm very eager to post is of Alla and her younger son, Kostya. Otherwise, I don't know, part of not feeling like a tourist here involves not really feeling the urge to take pictures. I guess I'll have to force myself eventually.

So, what is there to say. Yesterday I saw a performance of Nikolai Gogol's "The Government Inspector". It's a play. I didn't understand the action at all. At intermission my friends explained the general plot, but I couldn't help zoning out during the second half and didn't really follow the rest. I did truly enjoy it though. I genuinely like theater at least partly due to the experience itself, watching the actors, the atmosphere. And it makes me really want to see the play performed in English. We got tickets to see ballet next Saturday, which will be nice because of the absence of language. Same goes for music. Tonight I might be going to a hookah bar and tomorrow I'm taking a day-trip to Moscow. I guess the primary goal of the visit is to find American food that people are craving, namely buffalo wings and McDonalds. I think we're going to find a TGI Friday's. Honestly I haven't craved ANY food since I've gotten here but I like Moscow and would be happy just to be back there for a small adventure. 

An interesting event on the bus: I was going home one day on trolley #10. The bus was pretty crowded. I'd always noticed on buses that people never get up for other people.. in other words if there's an elderly person and all the seats are occupied, no one gives up their seat. No one expects it either. It's just the way things are. It made me slightly uncomfortable at first but honestly I've always felt somewhat awkward on the bus, so I just decided to play along. But today, for some reason, I just couldn't take it anymore. The bus was very crowded and I watched as the smallest little woman, leaning on a cane, boarded the bus and took her position standing next to me while I sat. I became so uncomfortable I decided to stand up, but suddenly a woman behind me started saying something. Honestly I couldn't understand, but I did make out that she was telling me to sit back down. The woman on the cane made no motion to take my seat, and honestly I have no idea what happened expect for that my offer was not well received. But days after the event, I still find myself thinking a lot about it, curious. The woman who told me to sit down was not with the cane lady. I thought so at first but later realized they didn't know each other. What did the cane lady feel when I offered the seat? Did she want it or not? Is it pride or is she just accustomed to standing? Does anyone ever offer up their seat in Russia? I'm kind of sick of seeing older women being forced to stand on the buses, especially because these buses drive so erratically. The ride is not smooth and it can be tough to hang on at times. This, I guess, is what I was talking about before. People here expect less comfort, whereas I'm used to the people at home expecting to be catered to. Patches of ice at home are viewed as serious hazards whereas here... they just deal with it. I kind of love that. But there's still so much I don't know or understand about everyday life here. I make my assumptions and judgements based on observation but not really discourse, so they're definitely not complete or even correct. I have much more contact with Americans than Russians at the moment, but that's my choice. I'd like to get more used to life here before reaching out. I guess. Or maybe it's just laziness. 

I'm not sure that my Russian has improved much since I've gotten here, only that I'm more used to speaking in Russian. And in that sense it's easier, but this may be merely psychological. I'm so used to communication being difficult that I think going home will be very strange. Just, everything being so easy all of a sudden. To say whatever I need to say. As if I didn't already know how important communication with other people is... I guess it's also a good sign that I couldn't care less about how much I stand out now. At the beginning, I'm not sure how hard I tried to blend in, but I guess I cared more. At this point, I don't try and I don't care. I bought black nail polish. I'm acting more myself. 

A speaker from this program at orientation said something I've thought about constantly the entire time I've been here: traveling gives you the opportunity to discover yourself in a new context. Here I am, in a new place with new people, so what parts of myself have remained and which parts have evolved? I've been both pleased with and disappointed with the aspects of myself that have stayed. But at least I know myself a little better. That knowledge is worth a lot to me. I know more what I'm capable of and what my limits are. I know a little more of what I want out of life and, at the same time, a little less. Well, a lot less. Whatever.

I forgot to mention an interesting detail. Last Thursday, I think it was Thursday, Alla didn't go to work. She got a call that she didn't have to come in. When I asked why, she replied "crisis", and strangely with a smile. I guess she's not worried about job security, but occasionally she doesn't have to work due to the financial crisis. A friend at school said the same thing happened to her host mom.

This weekend I bought a guitar and went ice skating. It's such a comfort now to play music again. And actually I think this weekend marked a turning point in the sense that I feel a little more myself than I've been so far. It's a very different experience living in another country than merely traveling as a tourist. Traveling is wonderful, but living, really making a home and a life for yourself in a new place, is somehow simultaneously mundane and exhilarating. Day to day life is always, to some extent, trivial but when each day to day activity is new and strange, what you end up with is a disorientating dichotomy of wanting to record every single second of your life in pure wonder while, at the same time, just kind of growing accustomed to it, I don't know... let's just say writing in this blog has become increasingly difficult. Well, I don't know, it was difficult from the start. I'm just saying, this isn't merely a study abroad experience, I really feel like I have a new life in Russia. A new, strange life. And I'll admit, I want to stay.

I guess I do have more stories and thoughts but it's Monday and... Mondays suck just as much in Russia as they do in the States. Apparently.

I went to Madelyn's apartment in Dobriy on Tuesday because we had to do homework together. When I got there, she had already mixed the dough for chocolate chip cookies and then baked them while we worked. I think watching Russians eat the cookies has been one of my favorite experiences so far. Just based on the fact that chocolate chip cookies are such a classic American food, that EVERYONE has had them and pretty much everyone loves them. But the Russians were trying these cookies for the first time. I don't know, cookies and desserts are just different here. Chocolate chip cookies shouldn't be and aren't really that different of a food to them, but it's still something new, something slightly different from what they're used to, so just the subtle hesitation preceding the first bite was enough to fascinate me. I brought some home and watched Alla make her way through one, commenting on it, guessing at the taste of grapes, and finally, upon the last bite, concluding that it does, in fact, taste good. That's really what gets you here, the subtle differences. Alla herself constantly comments on the fact that I don't put sugar in my tea. How can unsweetened tea be worth drinking?! 

I have some plans this weekend, most of it still hasn't been decided. I really like living in Russia.

I forgot to mention... when I got home from Moscow and walked in my room, I was a bit surprised to find that Alla had cleaned and rearranged all of my possessions. She's been pretty good at staying out of my room so far, but I guess this past weekend she just couldn't help herself. All the objects on the shelves and desk had been rearranged, my bed was made, but the weirdest part was when I opened my closet and found that all my clothes had been folded and my suitcases moved around. I mean, everything in my room had been moved. Apparently moms are the same whatever country you're in. I love Alla.

Moscow! This weekend gave me some MUCH needed perspective on my life right now, being in Moscow and getting to see another side of Russia. It's been very surreal going straight from home to this small Russian city without ever having been to this country before. I've felt almost like I've been dreaming, that this isn't my real life, more because something about it just doesn't feel real. I guess it's just such a huge difference, Vladimir from DC, that my mind has just not been able to wrap itself around this lifestyle, I have no previous experience to compare this to. But going to Moscow has helped greatly. All major world cities have something in common, some kind of quality that always feels familiar... I almost felt like I was home again in Moscow, I felt immediately more confident, comfortable, alive even. 

I was completely prepared to dislike, even hate Moscow based on what I've been told by other people. For some reason, people often like to discuss the bad sides of the city. Often what you'll hear is that Moscow is ugly, at least compared to St. Petersburg, the city is dirtier, more crowded. And sure, it's a big city like the rest of them. But Moscow contains great beauty. I still haven't been to St. Petersburg and, yes, I'm sure on the surface there is no comparison, but in no way do I consider Moscow to be ugly. My first time on Red Square was at night, and it was breathtaking. World class art, theater, immensely important history... I don't think I had any bad thought about Moscow the entire time I was there. It's just... majestic. A wonderful city with so much to do. So what did I do?

We took a train Friday morning and arrived around noon, checked into the hotel and had lunch. With a few hours of free time, I headed to the Tretyakov Gallery with Sarah and Faye. Wonderful art, of course. There were many paintings I loved but the only one I can remember is the one that's pictured above, and it's called, I believe, "Princess Tarakanova". I also saw familiar portraits of Dostoyevsky, Pushkin and Peter the Great. Icons, religious art. After this we met at a theater to see a modern interpretation of the opera The Marriage of Figaro. It was sung in Italian with Russian supertitles, meaning I really didn't know what was going on at all. So I decided to focus on the music instead. It was a great experience and I think my first opera that didn't involve marionettes (Prague). After the opera I decided to join Reese, Kyle, Chelsea and Kelsey to walk around Red Square, this being, of course, my first time. An ice skating rink had been set up on the square, so we watched the skaters for a while. After taking some pictures, we left the Square only to run right into the path of some police officers, which is generally always a bad thing in Russia. They asked for our documents, probably after hearing us speaking English, which is a very common thing to have happen to you in Moscow. I had all my documents, but not my train ticket, and since my registration indicates that I'm living in Vladimir... as the police officer put it, "we have a problem". He told the other 4 that they were free, but brought me over to the side. Immediately Reese, one of the year-long students, come over and tried to help. His Russian is much better than mine and he's been in this situation before, apparently. He's also... a more resourceful and clever person in general. The thing I've been told about Russian police officers, of course, is that they're usually looking for a bribe. And bribing, in general, is much more common and accepted as normal in Russian culture. Even at orientation we were instructed on how to handle situations where police officers decide to be difficult and imply that a bribe is needed. Reese began by calling our resident director, Tom, who instructed him to stall... so Reese continued to speak in English on the phone saying "I'm stalling, I'm stalling, it's working well, blah blah blah" etc., hoping the police officers don't understand English. Eventually then we got in touch with Elena Vladimirovna, my Phonetics teacher who had accompanied us on the trip, who got on the phone with the police officer. After a short conversation, after the police officer repeatedly stating that this is a big problem, eventually the conversation ended with the police officer handing the phone back to Reese and saying simply "иди (go)". Elena Vladimirovna, generally speaking, is someone we are all somewhat in awe of. A great representation of the kind of women Soviet times created... immensely strong, intelligent and capable. We returned to the hotel immediately thereafter.

Saturday we had the entire day to do as we pleased. I joined a city bus tour headed by the Moscow resident director, and was joined by a few of the Moscow and Vladimir students. We drove around looking at famous sites, stopping only a few times. Bolotnaya Ploshad (Swamp Square) is one example, where we saw a sculpture I really loved by Mikhail Shemyakin called "The Children - Victims of Adult Vices". Click on that link for more information. After the tour I had lunch at an Italian restaurant with about 5 other people, and we went to Mikhail Bulgakov's apartment afterwards. We tried to find the Pushkin Museum but the line was too long, so I went with some friends to Dom Knigi (House of Books), which is a big book store. I bought a few English language books because I miss reading in my own language: Dostoyevsky's "Notes from the Underground" and Nabokov's "Transparent Things". After Dom Knigi, we walked along Stariy Arbat, watched some street performers, got dinner in an underground mall food court (I had sushi and beer), walked through GUM, the huge wonderful shopping mall on Red Square, watched some more ice skating and finally went home, exhausted.

The next morning we had a group tour of the Kremlin Armory where we saw Peter the Great's boots, thrones, carriages, and other treasures. We also walked around inside the Kremlin, where we saw some cathedrals, including the Cathedral of the Archangel. When we were inside, we were treated to maybe the most beautiful singing I've ever heard and, in such an old beautiful cathedral, it was just... indescribable. Absolute pure perfect beauty. We had lunch, sat around at a cafe in GUM and finally returned home. 

So Moscow was... well I did much more in that weekend than I've done in my two weeks in Vladimir. But I'm glad that I'm studying, at least for now, in Vladimir as opposed to Moscow. Everyone describes Petersburg as the Western city but, compared to Vladimir, Moscow is very Western. The stores, clothing style, everything. There is no escaping the fact that you're in Russia when in Vladimir... you're smothered and constantly reminded by that fact. But in Moscow it would be easier to embrace the familiar Western qualities of the city, to occasionally indulge in homesickness by visiting an American restaurant or to avoid speaking Russian too often. Vladimir is definitely more immersive, and more Russian-flavored, if that makes sense. Moscow life would be more busy, more stimulating maybe, but, in terms of getting to know Russia, of knowing what Russia and Russian alone, with minimal outside influences, really means, Vladimir is the place. We can visit Moscow, we'll have several opportunities to do so and it would be good. I'd like to live there at some point for at least a short time, I definitely have plans for Moscow, but it's good to finally understand Vladimir in a comparative perspective, and I have a better grasp of what I'm doing and where I'm doing it now.

To answer a few questions:

1) What kind of cars do you see in Russia: 

Normal ones. I've only really paid attention a few times. It's like cars anywhere else... some look expensive, some look broken down. Of course the cars looked nicer in Moscow but nothing has really stood out for me so far.

2) How would you describe the clothing, what is style in Russia? What are the colors?

It's funny, most of what I see on people is their outdoor winter clothing so I'm very familiar with coats and such. In Vladimir there's definitely a Russian style that also exists in Moscow, though Moscow fashion is much more Western. Women wear warm coats, hats, scarves, boots, the works. They're wrapped up very well. Most outfits seem to contain leather and/or fur. It's hard for me to describe exactly, but Russian women do look, on average, more well put together than the average American. The men wear a coat, hat, boots, whatever. But the hats are very big and warm and furry looking. For women and men. I see fashion in the malls, where things like jeans and shoes just look so different than what would be popular in America, but in a European way. Colors are darker. 

3) What has Kostya been up to since he's been home? And how old is he?

Kostya is 19. I haven't seen him at all because I was in Moscow this weekend. Everyday that I get home, he's already gone out and he gets home late after I'm asleep. As far as I know, he goes out every night, which makes sense since young Russians often go out to clubs and he's on vacation from school. Kostya is a cadet, studying to become an officer in the Russian army. His brother, who I think is around 25, is already an officer. Their father was in the army... I finally asked and found out he died from a heart condition. I asked Kostya if he'd like me to introduce him to the West Point guys in our group. He said he'd heard of West Point but it would be a bad idea to meet them because he's a "secrets man". 

I'm in Whiskey Bar right now. I like this place a lot better than Coffee Bean. It's a proper bar, though with food as well. The music is better, the atmosphere is better and the Internet is faster. Last night I met my host brother, Kostya, who will be staying with us for a few weeks. I'll write more about him when I get to know him better. But the three of us had dinner together last night and, needless to say, it was kind of adorable. I don't know why it really hadn't sunk in before that Alla seems to have no family near her. Her sons have left home, her husband is dead and she never talks about parents or siblings or extended family at all. No wonder she participates in this program. The other night after dinner I briefly watched a few scenes of her favorite soap opera with her. I left during a commercial to do homework and she told me to come back if I had time, that it gets boring for her and immediately I felt bad. After dinner I usually go to my room, do homework and fall asleep immediately, so in actuality I don't spend much time with her. I should. It'll probably be better on the weekends.

I can't believe I missed the Super Bowl! I had it in the back of my mind to watch it somehow with some of the boys here, but I didn't know it was this Sunday. Steelers won, so I guess all is well with the world, but still I'm disappointed. As I was telling my parents, it's very difficult to keep up with what's going on the world. It would be easier with a little effort, but you don't hear about it in passing the way you do at home. That's only because I don't speak Russian well enough though. I have easy access to TV news but can't understand it or really have time to watch TV. And as far as I know there aren't any good newspaper options. In fact, there's another International Relations major here who said even though she loves to keep up with the news, she gave up when she came here. It would be really easy online though, and I am online a lot, so I should definitely start checking washingtonpost.com and others. 

I got kind of tired of the Irish whiskey and I'm trying mulled wine for the first time. It's delicious and I'm happy. Not much more to say.

I'm falling in love with Alla more by the day. Today she told me that we were going to make pelmeni together. She didn't ask, she told. This was, of course, fine by me. I realized then that she has two sons and, seeing as how cooking is such an important tradition in Russian culture, she may have missed the opportunity to teach her own daughter how to cook. That's how it felt today in the kitchen, like I was a part of her family and not just a guest as usual. The pelmeni was really good. She said she almost always makes it from scratch, never buys it from the store, that it's better natural'no. She put the pelmeni in a broth of hot water, butter, sour cream and salt. At one point during the meal I got a bottle of water and she asked me if the broth was too salty. I said it was fine but I don't usually eat a lot of salt, so she took the opportunity to tell me that Americans are incorrect in thinking that a lot of salt is bad for you. She said her Grandma ate a lot of salt and lived to be very old, that salt has a lot of important things for your body. Serge Gainsbourg and Brigitte Bardot are now playing on the radio. 

I also did some laundry this weekend. That is, Alla did it. She has a washer but hangs the clothes over the bathtub to dry. And that's I think pretty much what everyone else in our program has in their apartments. I don't know if I said this, but Alla has a really nice apartment. It's actually the only Russian apartment I've ever been in, so I don't know what the average looks like, and I guess it depends on the city, but Alla's home is very warm and beautiful. The living room is huge and she's got 2 TV's, so I get the idea she does well for herself. The factory she works at (and Mom, I asked specifically for you) makes just random parts of various machines. She showed me a calendar she got detailing the history of the factory... at one point they made car parts, radios, I don't remember what else. It's not a specialized factory, but I did find out they have all kinds of factories here in Vladimir. Bread, vodka, clothes. 

I'm really happy now that I'm starting to feel more brave about exploring Vladimir. I've been limited by caution and intimidation but it's starting to fade. I'm really sick of being laughed at every time I try to speak Russian in a store, I even prefer it when they just get frustrated. Some people have been really nice. There's a Russian Baskin Robbins here, and when I was trying to order some ice cream the woman was surprisingly patient. The woman taking money for the bathroom and another one cleaning up the food court area were also surprisingly sweet. Those unexpected gestures of kindness or understanding mean a lot. 

One thing I find interesting about Russia, something I respect, is what some of the older people have to put up with. Here the sidewalks are coated in ice, every inch. I don't know whether they don't try to get rid of it or if it's just pointless to try, but the sidewalks are definitely a bit treacherous. This is, however, of course the norm here. I watch older women running to catch the bus, climbing huge stairs and crossing the icy streets. Showers here are bathtubs with shower heads and no shower curtain, so while I found myself crouching and sitting in the tub trying not to get the water on the floor, I think about how older people manage these awkward positions. For me it's easy but don't older people have a hell of a time with it? They just seem to put up with more discomfort here. Of course it's just the way of life, it's reality, but I'm still awed by their toughness, fortitude, stamina, grit. This may seem like a stupid thing to say... it's not exactly a revelation that the US is an extremely rich country and people are far less pampered in poorer countries. And obviously there are many countries that are far poorer than Russia. But just seeing this subtle difference, day in and day out, it always seems to get to me. I think it's because it always makes me think of my own grandparents.

The Rolling Stones are on. Have a good day.