Today, for no reason whatsoever, Alla left me a note on the breakfast table. I will do my best at translating it:

"Laurie - my friend,

Heat the blintzes and sausage in the microwave. Drink the tea. Bon appetit. I will be home at 7:30 tonight. Until then, bye!"

I'm not sure why she did this, because we've gone through the morning breakfast ritual every day for the last month and I've done just fine up until this point without the luxury of notes. But her affection for me seems to be increasing. She keeps pressing me to play the guitar for her and I keep saying I'm shy. But then she said I'm like her daughter, and I shouldn't be shy. Also recently, I was going out of the house and had just taken a shower, so my hair was a bit wet. She insisted that I blow dry it and, while I was trying, she took the blow dryer away from me and started doing my hair. Not even drying it, she started curling it up and styling it. She was laughing, I was laughing, it was... such a sweet moment. My dear friend Alla.

Our day trip to Moscow was very easy. The train is fast and comfortable, and we have just enough time to do something of interest in Moscow and be back home for dinner. It's a full day but not nearly as exhausting as the Chinatown bus from DC to NYC. The main event was eating lunch at T.G.I Friday's. I got a chicken sandwich and some lame tropical mixed drink. The buffalo wing appetizer was, in all honesty, probably the best part. But being there, with the American-sized portions, American food, American service, it didn't do much for me. I guess I never liked that aspect of America to begin with so I didn't miss it. But it was amusing and interesting to experience it nonetheless. Russian service with a smile? When one of the employees shouted goodbye (in Russian) on our way out, the first thought to cross my mind was immediately "what the hell? Why is she saying goodbye to me?" It just seemed pointless and strange. Surprisingly, I don't miss that American politeness. It's just not practical. It's not... efficient. Why say something you don't mean? I reserve my smiles for when I'm actually happy. I could talk more about this, but I'll do that later.

Finally, I have some pictures. Click on any picture to see a bigger version.

A funny sign for a restaurant in Moscow called "Sorry Babushka". (babushka means grandma)

My friend Madelyn on the train ride home from Moscow.

This was on the first trip to Moscow with our entire group. These three girls are my entire class: Sarah, Madelyn and Kelsey in front of St. Basil's Cathedral on Red Square.

A typical breakfast, laid out for me on the table every morning when I wake up. There's kasha at the bottom, kind of like sweet oatmeal. Blini, which is just blintzes, and some meat. And tea of course. Tea with every meal.

We were on the Moscow metro. The trip a few weeks ago. Everyone was tired. From left to right, random Russian, Meagan, Faye, Reese, random Russian. But EVERYONE is sleeping.

Here's a picture of a picture of Alla and her husband, presumably many years ago.

A Russian Starbucks on the Old Arbat street in Moscow. There were actually several.

Here is Alla and her youngest son, Kostya. I took this picture in the kitchen.

Okay, here's a random picture I stole from someone else in the meantime. I'm posting it because I took it, but I'm not actually in it. Pictured from left to right is Kimberly, Faye, Madelyn and Chelsea. We were on Red Square in Moscow, in front of St. Basil's Cathedral. Just gives you an idea.

I'm kind of trying to work on getting some pictures up here. Part of the problem is that I've taken very few since I've been here. Maybe a dozen? But the one picture I'm very eager to post is of Alla and her younger son, Kostya. Otherwise, I don't know, part of not feeling like a tourist here involves not really feeling the urge to take pictures. I guess I'll have to force myself eventually.

So, what is there to say. Yesterday I saw a performance of Nikolai Gogol's "The Government Inspector". It's a play. I didn't understand the action at all. At intermission my friends explained the general plot, but I couldn't help zoning out during the second half and didn't really follow the rest. I did truly enjoy it though. I genuinely like theater at least partly due to the experience itself, watching the actors, the atmosphere. And it makes me really want to see the play performed in English. We got tickets to see ballet next Saturday, which will be nice because of the absence of language. Same goes for music. Tonight I might be going to a hookah bar and tomorrow I'm taking a day-trip to Moscow. I guess the primary goal of the visit is to find American food that people are craving, namely buffalo wings and McDonalds. I think we're going to find a TGI Friday's. Honestly I haven't craved ANY food since I've gotten here but I like Moscow and would be happy just to be back there for a small adventure. 

An interesting event on the bus: I was going home one day on trolley #10. The bus was pretty crowded. I'd always noticed on buses that people never get up for other people.. in other words if there's an elderly person and all the seats are occupied, no one gives up their seat. No one expects it either. It's just the way things are. It made me slightly uncomfortable at first but honestly I've always felt somewhat awkward on the bus, so I just decided to play along. But today, for some reason, I just couldn't take it anymore. The bus was very crowded and I watched as the smallest little woman, leaning on a cane, boarded the bus and took her position standing next to me while I sat. I became so uncomfortable I decided to stand up, but suddenly a woman behind me started saying something. Honestly I couldn't understand, but I did make out that she was telling me to sit back down. The woman on the cane made no motion to take my seat, and honestly I have no idea what happened expect for that my offer was not well received. But days after the event, I still find myself thinking a lot about it, curious. The woman who told me to sit down was not with the cane lady. I thought so at first but later realized they didn't know each other. What did the cane lady feel when I offered the seat? Did she want it or not? Is it pride or is she just accustomed to standing? Does anyone ever offer up their seat in Russia? I'm kind of sick of seeing older women being forced to stand on the buses, especially because these buses drive so erratically. The ride is not smooth and it can be tough to hang on at times. This, I guess, is what I was talking about before. People here expect less comfort, whereas I'm used to the people at home expecting to be catered to. Patches of ice at home are viewed as serious hazards whereas here... they just deal with it. I kind of love that. But there's still so much I don't know or understand about everyday life here. I make my assumptions and judgements based on observation but not really discourse, so they're definitely not complete or even correct. I have much more contact with Americans than Russians at the moment, but that's my choice. I'd like to get more used to life here before reaching out. I guess. Or maybe it's just laziness. 

I'm not sure that my Russian has improved much since I've gotten here, only that I'm more used to speaking in Russian. And in that sense it's easier, but this may be merely psychological. I'm so used to communication being difficult that I think going home will be very strange. Just, everything being so easy all of a sudden. To say whatever I need to say. As if I didn't already know how important communication with other people is... I guess it's also a good sign that I couldn't care less about how much I stand out now. At the beginning, I'm not sure how hard I tried to blend in, but I guess I cared more. At this point, I don't try and I don't care. I bought black nail polish. I'm acting more myself. 

A speaker from this program at orientation said something I've thought about constantly the entire time I've been here: traveling gives you the opportunity to discover yourself in a new context. Here I am, in a new place with new people, so what parts of myself have remained and which parts have evolved? I've been both pleased with and disappointed with the aspects of myself that have stayed. But at least I know myself a little better. That knowledge is worth a lot to me. I know more what I'm capable of and what my limits are. I know a little more of what I want out of life and, at the same time, a little less. Well, a lot less. Whatever.

I forgot to mention an interesting detail. Last Thursday, I think it was Thursday, Alla didn't go to work. She got a call that she didn't have to come in. When I asked why, she replied "crisis", and strangely with a smile. I guess she's not worried about job security, but occasionally she doesn't have to work due to the financial crisis. A friend at school said the same thing happened to her host mom.

This weekend I bought a guitar and went ice skating. It's such a comfort now to play music again. And actually I think this weekend marked a turning point in the sense that I feel a little more myself than I've been so far. It's a very different experience living in another country than merely traveling as a tourist. Traveling is wonderful, but living, really making a home and a life for yourself in a new place, is somehow simultaneously mundane and exhilarating. Day to day life is always, to some extent, trivial but when each day to day activity is new and strange, what you end up with is a disorientating dichotomy of wanting to record every single second of your life in pure wonder while, at the same time, just kind of growing accustomed to it, I don't know... let's just say writing in this blog has become increasingly difficult. Well, I don't know, it was difficult from the start. I'm just saying, this isn't merely a study abroad experience, I really feel like I have a new life in Russia. A new, strange life. And I'll admit, I want to stay.

I guess I do have more stories and thoughts but it's Monday and... Mondays suck just as much in Russia as they do in the States. Apparently.

I went to Madelyn's apartment in Dobriy on Tuesday because we had to do homework together. When I got there, she had already mixed the dough for chocolate chip cookies and then baked them while we worked. I think watching Russians eat the cookies has been one of my favorite experiences so far. Just based on the fact that chocolate chip cookies are such a classic American food, that EVERYONE has had them and pretty much everyone loves them. But the Russians were trying these cookies for the first time. I don't know, cookies and desserts are just different here. Chocolate chip cookies shouldn't be and aren't really that different of a food to them, but it's still something new, something slightly different from what they're used to, so just the subtle hesitation preceding the first bite was enough to fascinate me. I brought some home and watched Alla make her way through one, commenting on it, guessing at the taste of grapes, and finally, upon the last bite, concluding that it does, in fact, taste good. That's really what gets you here, the subtle differences. Alla herself constantly comments on the fact that I don't put sugar in my tea. How can unsweetened tea be worth drinking?! 

I have some plans this weekend, most of it still hasn't been decided. I really like living in Russia.

I forgot to mention... when I got home from Moscow and walked in my room, I was a bit surprised to find that Alla had cleaned and rearranged all of my possessions. She's been pretty good at staying out of my room so far, but I guess this past weekend she just couldn't help herself. All the objects on the shelves and desk had been rearranged, my bed was made, but the weirdest part was when I opened my closet and found that all my clothes had been folded and my suitcases moved around. I mean, everything in my room had been moved. Apparently moms are the same whatever country you're in. I love Alla.